In praise of a Teardrop

“I don’t really remember when I last cried”, I have been often told. I don’t know whether I feel sorry for them or for myself.

Tears come easily to me. A beautiful movie moves me to tears. I still cry every time I watch ‘Stepmom’. I cry when people I love move far away. I may try to hold back those treacherous tears but they will come, eventually. I remember willing myself not to cry as I said goodbye to my Dad when I was moving to another continent. Ironically, I also cried the time when I was returning home; this time it was because I knew I would terribly miss my friends.

There are of course times that you feel this huge lump forming in your throat that threatens to explode any minute. Your tear glands may not be at risk then, but your heart surely is. It is a strange kind of hurt which does not affect you personally but breaks your heart nonetheless. This strange feeling comes to me every time I hear a baby cry. They may be tiny but you have to give credit to their lung power! Your heart goes out to that precious being and you feel a strange pain when you listen to its cries.

But this is just me.

It is not unusual for people to be tear-proof. More so with men than women. I honestly do not know if this is gender-defined or whether it is simply because women are more emotionally expressive. It may be both. I know of a friend who was narrating an incident from his childhood. He said, “When I was young, say about 10-12, I actually cried quite often. But then I remember my Dad telling me- You have got to be stronger. Boys must not cry”. And now this friend of mine is quite tear-proof. In all of the time that I have known him, I’ve probably seen him break down once or twice.

A lot of boys are brought up with the notion that men don’t cry. If it’s not advice given by fathers or elders, additional socialization with boys more than girls during growing years is powerful enough to drive the point home. When it comes to emotional expressiveness, girls generally take the trophy! Speaking about their feelings, lending their shoulder’s to cry on (and using other’s shoulders for a download of their own sob stories) is common amongst women. And hence, tears are not unusual with women. It is rare that men will sit around and discuss their feelings and want to talk about how their bicep-tattooed, beer-burping buddy is hurting. If you are an exception, you will most definitely be scorned by your male friends and mistaken by your female friends to be GAY.

I do have male friends (Straight!!) who are comfortable with tears. They are not ashamed to cry when they are hurt and most definitely do not mind sharing their sorrows. I have very often played the role of agony-aunt to several of my friends and I truly believe that a good confidante is not necessarily a good advice-giver. Advice is much cheaper than air! The secret is to listen and if you are genuinely concerned, judge whether to give advice or not. And yes, you have to know how to deal with their tears!

At the risk of sounding sexist, a guy who cries at the drop of a hanky is too much to handle. A guy who sheds a tear or two when he confides in you about his innermost demons is quite endearing. I was recently having a conversation with a guy friend and on asking him when he cried last, he replied after trying hard to recollect, “Ummm...it must have been three years back”. Apparently, it was at a funeral of a person he didn’t know too well but on seeing his best friend break down, he was moved to tears as well. Strange but something that I could perfectly relate to. Seeing your close ones hurt breaks your heart as well. If it doesn’t, you seriously need to ask yourself, “Do I have a heart?”

For that matter, girls who sob their eyes out as a hobby are annoying to say the least. I shall share with you an incident of a girl I once knew who got into a tiff with a guy in her college and was slapped by him when things got out of control. I remember standing there awestruck! Whoever has heard of a guy slapping a girl? Not cool LOSER!! Not cool!! But what happened next was even more unexpected. Instead of giving him a piece of her mind, the girl’s nose turned red first and she started sobbing in shame. Whatever happened to fighting out your battle? This girl was not the outspoken loudmouth that everyone had thought she was!

There are times when women automatically activate their tear glands when they find themselves in a sticky spot. Tears are not an excuse to avoid fighting the battle. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going!! I am not judging you if you cry. Just do it to relieve your pain and worry, not to solve your problems. And never in public for crying out loud (pun intended)!!! I myself have snivelled in the confines of my room when things are getting tough. And I value my tears- they have been cathartic. But I do not for one minute doubt my will and strength to get past whatever is troubling me.

But not to cry at all!! What life are you leading if you have not known the soothing touch of tears trickling down your face? What heart beats in your body if you have not released hurt? It is Charles Dickens who said-

Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.

Learn to cry. Learn to shed a tear or two.

FEEL...alive!