Boy oh boy!!

A fairly common phenomenon in any Indian family is the search for a “suitable boy” for the daughter of the house. I come from a liberal family wherein my parents have always supported me in the pursuit of whatever I have been passionate about. They have been encouraging of my interests and supportive through all my personal battles. In fact, I have closely interacted with parents of many of my friends and I find myself very fortunate to have parents with whom I can discuss pretty much anything. I do not know of many friends who can discuss their relationships with their own parents with the same candidness. But like any other, my parents also secretly harbour dreams of my wedding (not similar to the stereotypical filmy-glitzy kind though; they are quite cynical such ostentation). I use the term “secretly” because they are rarely brought up for discussion with me.

Do not mistake me. I am not anti-marriage or anything. I would want to get married someday- when I am mentally prepared. Marriage must not be dictated by age. You could be 18 and make a great life-partner or fail miserably at marriage even when you’re 28. Undoubtedly, marriage is a function of mental maturity. It rarely is comprehended from this specific approach and parents by and large conform to the practice of groom-hunting when the daughter is 24-25.  

At this point in life, I have not even entertained thoughts of marriage. Hence, any thoughts of matrimonial nature are not something which I find exciting. Having been witness to the beautiful marriage that my own parents share, I would love to get married someday- when I am really excited about marriage, when I feel a relationship is special enough to metamorphose into marriage. Until then, I want to give due importance to enjoy and celebrate other things that are important in my life- my new job for instance. But this will not deter my parents from subtly slipping the M word during the most unexpected of times. Well, good luck with that Mum and Dad! 

I have become quite the pro at identifying these well-disguised hints by now and I have my own clever mechanisms to steer clear of them. But the pressure starts building and you may just crack! I have conducted my own analysis of sinister signs and I will share them with you. Here you go...

1. Sincere advice: If possible, stop attending weddings altogether! You meet your relatives at social do’s and they wink at you knowingly and ask your parents, “Sooooo...she has finished her education no? Now what plans?”
2. All your close friends start getting married off. You share the news with your Mum and she over joyously starts off with, “Oh so nice!! Good only! See...” That’s your cue to scram!
3. Your parents increasingly start inviting other families with “eligible” sons to join you for dinners/lunches. And dare you absent yourself under the pretext of meeting friends!
4. Suddenly, you notice that your mother’s friends start calling from all parts of the world to talk about their nephew/godson/neighbour that is looking to get married to a “well-educated Indian girl”
5. Your Mum almost chokes on her food when you announce that you are seriously considering doing a PhD. Her eyes will look like huge saucers as she retorts, “You have two Masters already and you want to study for another 3-4 years? Why don’t you settle down in your job...enjoy your newly-earned money?”
6. Your younger sadistic brother who has overheard your parents discussing your marriage stops harassing you and actually starts getting freaked out on your behalf.
7. You are at your close friend’s wedding and you find the wedding photographer stalking you as he blinds you with flashing lights. You are almost about to slap him hard when he cowers in defence and says, “Madam! Madam please! Your mother only asked me to take good photographs of you. For showing...you know...”
8. (After event 7) You catch your Mum taking the photographer’s calling card, “just in case”
9. When you have been hanging out with this guy friend an awful lot lately and your parents try had to sound casual when they ask you, “Soooo, is it serious?”
10. When your Mum is on the telephone with her friend and the minute you walk in, she starts talking in hushed tones
11. Your friend’s mother who is excitedly making arrangements for her marriage starts offering free matchmaking services to your own parents as a philanthropic gesture
12. When your Mum gives you long hopeful looks on receiving any wedding invitation
13. When your Mum comes back from this wedding she has just been to and excitedly describes the wedding to you while she stealthily adds, “...I am thinking we’ll get it done for your’s as well”. Sneaky huh?
14. If you are one of those who do not like wearing jewellery and you happen to complement the new earnings that your Mum is wearing, she looks at you in mock disbelief and then with teary eyes tells you, “All of this is yours only. Why don’t you wear something on your ears...at least once in a while? It will look nice you know...” And this will eventually lead to a lecture of another nature! So your work is already done and you will not have to rack your brains to get yourself out of this one. (Maddy 1: Mum none!!)
15. When relatives inquire about your age and the answer is almost always followed up with, “Aaaah...Right age!”
16. When your parents ask you about your boyfriend and you discreetly and vaguely mumble something; your parents continue with their interrogation, “But have you met his parents? Are they nice?” No Mum! I’m sure they are plotting to set me on fire so that I don’t corrupt their son’s life!
17. Your Dad actually asks you outright, “So what are your plans on marriage?” This is one that is quite hard to dodge. It’s right in your face!! (Ding ding ding* Dad one : Maddy none!!)

P.S: I love you Mom and Dad for trying so hard! Here’s to whenever I’ll finally stop dodging....